The City of Right Angles and Tough, Damaged People

Written on 11/24/08

On Saturday I happened to be in a small, upscale pharmacy in Manhattan's Chelsea neighborhood. I was in this pharmacy because it is the only place on the entire island of Manhattan where I can find the exact soap I use to wash my face every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. And I have to admit, I particularly enjoy going to this pharmacy. Sometimes when I'm there, I feel almost as if I've stepped into an alternate universe where New Yorkers are an entirely happy, upbeat and friendly people. This pharmacy puts me in a good mood—it makes me feel great. And apparently, I'm not the only one. The woman standing slightly off to the side of the counter in front of me felt the same way, too.

"I rang you up, didn't I?" asked the girl at the register. It seemed like she only vaguely remembered ringing the woman up and wanted to double check before moving on to me. You know, as a courtesy.

"Yes," said the woman. "And it was great. I'm very excited about my new moisturizer."

Personally speaking? I was very excited about my new face soap, too. The place just does that to you.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling very alone in the city. Which is odd, because in a city of so many millions of people, one would think you could never quite feel alone. But even in a human beehive, it's easy to feel alone.

I've felt alone in movie theaters. I've felt alone in supermarkets and those little street corner bodegas. I've felt alone standing in line at the bank. Or standing up against the doors on a subway train. I've felt alone in restaurants. I've felt alone walking down the street. Even at parties, I've felt alone. I've felt alone every month when I've pulled out my checkbook and written a large check for a small apartment that I couldn’t afford. I've felt alone every time I've gone on a date with a guy I couldn’t stand, just to go on a date, and every time I've needed to go into Manhattan to hang out with one of my friends because they wouldn’t visit me in Brooklyn. I've felt alone and abused.

"The city of right angles and tough, damaged people," is what Pete Hamill once called it. And sometimes, when I’m not feeling overcome by the fantasy and romance of it all, I think he was right. Because it was only recently that I realized, I've only felt alone because I've wanted to feel alone, to prove to myself that I'm strong enough to handle it. Was I really that tough and damaged?

But while standing in line at my favorite pharmacy in Chelsea on Saturday, I realized that I’ve never been alone at all. And maybe not everyone in New York is as tough and damaged as they might seem at first.

Because sometimes? Even in the city of right angles and tough, damaged people, all it takes is a trip to a small, upscale pharmacy filled with happy vibes, and some new moisturizer or face soap to get you seeing things from a different perspective.